A Lesson in Growing Up
by The General Electric
Summary: Or, alternately, A Short Story about a Tree and a Triangle, Bought to the Human Boy by Death Itself.


**A Short Story about a Tree and a Triangle, Bought to the Human Boy by Death Itself**

 _-/-_

 _The Assorted properties are **Not Mine**. I'm just mucking around with them a bit.  
_ _To settle the roars of a sudden Head Cannon that really doesn't want to go away_

 _-/-_

 _ **Occurs Immediately After Adventure Time episode 'Death in Bloom'**_

 _-/-_

Death was not used to being perturbed.

It was angry. It was scary. It was sadistic. And, on a rare occasion, Death was sorry. Beyond that, It wasn't much else beyond a consummate professional

But that boy, one of the Last True Human's on Ooo (Simon and Marceline were a bit of a grey area, but ultimately It lumped them together) a Boy who held so much Destiny in his soul, had almost given his soul aware for a mere plant and some memories. Did the boy not understand, could he not _feel_ the way that Fate wound itself into his soul?

Were human's always that insensitive to the plucking of the Power Cosmic? Death had never really considered the thought, it was not something that tied into the job of guiding and farming souls after all.

But now, now he was paying attention. He had seen Heroes make stupid decisions before after all, decisions that warped their destiny into knots, clogging up the destiny of Ooo as well. (Or whatever it had been called way back when, it was not Death's Job to keep track of all of the different names of the planet throughout time, merely the current name, it helped when reaping souls after all. Prevented confusion)

The last time a Hero had given himself up all nobly without considering the repercussions, a third of the world had exploded, turning the round blue ball into a giant blue 'C' instead. Jagged debris spilling out to the stars.

No. Death was not dealing with that much Unscheduled reaping again, Destiny would not knot itself in the Human Boy's soul chunking out his Planet again.

Instead, Death would give the Human Boy a lesson and make it stick.

If it did not stick... No, not an option. The Boy would stare into the putrid yellow eye of mistakes eons past and he would learn.

-/-

"Hey brother." Jake the Dog shot out. "What's the plans for the day? A Dungeon maybe, followed up by a Dungeon and topped up with even MORE Dungeons?"

"I dunno Jake." Finn replied, sticking his hand into his ever present white cowl, giving his head a scratch. "I was thinking of maybe just sitting at home today, do nothing. That whole mess with Peeb's Princess Plant and the Death World wore me out you know?"

"Pffft." The yellow bulldog dismissed with a smirk. "Nuts to that, you sit there then, Imma go get me some Dungeon Booty."

"You do that." Finn smiled back. "I'll just be here on the couch, might nap or something."

Shaking his head, Jake offered a quick salute, before stretching his body to ridiculous proportions, disappearing out the kitchen window in quick order.

"Heh." Finn laughed. "Booty." Looking around the main room of his and Jake's Treehouse Home, Finn stood up, scratching his head again. "...Gonna make me some coffee."

"Coffee can wait." The sudden unexpected voice jolted a high pitched scream from Finn. "You're coming back to the Dead World with me."

Swinging around, grabbing the first thing he could (A spatula) Finn brandished it threateningly as he turned to face the intruder. "Alright you butt, who are you and why are... are..." Finn's voice faded as he processed the statement and took in the ivory white figure in front of him. "Death... Wha... What are you doing here?"

"Teaching you a lesson." And with a sudden swing, Finn found a scythe sweeping towards his head. "Hopefully it sticks."

-/-

The World had been his Playground.

The Winter had come, wrapping around the Mushrooms in a delicious duet of death and destruction, forcing Pine Tree's hand, leaving him the Puppet free and unoccupied.

That was somewhat bittersweet in and off itself, mocking and terrorizing Pine Tree and his Shooting Star was half the fun, and while mutilating the Pine Tree had been fun for the first few hours, without Pine Tree's soul hovering over his shoulder yelling and screaming at him to stop, just wasn't the same.

So he had popped up the boy's eye and gone on to explore this new, war-torn, broken mess of a planet, and it had been fun, mutants and monsters and Elements regaining Sentience lost long ago.

But that had gotten boring pretty quickly, so he decided to slide into a parallel plane of existence, one running in just the right manner, that it was still considered a part of the same universe. He had gone to play in the Boneyard.

That was a mistake.

How long had he been locked up now? He didn't know, Cross Bones was quite fond of the multi-dimensional sensory deprivation method of confinement. Not that he was sore about it (At least not too much) it was probably exactly how he himself would have chosen to lock himself up.

So when that small sliver of light opened up, when his prison went from being an infinite probability to solid steel bars and bone floors, a smile stretched it's way across his Puppet's face.

Cross Bones was coming to visit, and by the way the universe was twisting at his side, he was bringing a Hero with him.

Pine Tree's muscles ached as Bill's smile threatened to tear his face apart.

-/-

"You know you didn't have to rip open the portal right next to my head." Finn mumbled, giving Death's back his best stink eye as he walked behind him. "If you had just told me why you needed me here, I would have come happily ya know."

"Maybe, but this way I've got your full attention." Death shot back, striding along the ivory white hallway with long determined steps. "Need all of your attention on me for this, only way I can cram the lesson into your head."

"What lesson, why am I even here dude?"

Death stopped in his tracks, slowly turning to eye the human boy, the tiny, tiny human boy. "Do you feel it?"

"Feel what? Weirded out by you showing up at my house and dragging me into the 53rd Dead World without even so much as an explanation? Then yeah, I feel it, I super feel it!" Finn growled out, not caring that he was essentially squaring up to Death Himself. "You gonna tell me, or am I gonna have to beat it outta ya?!"

Death eyed him a bit longer, empty eye sockets locked onto the young boy. "You really don't, do you? You really can't feel the Destiny plucking away at your soul can you?"

"Wha...?"

"Is that why you're so reckless, so unbelievably stupid? You know what I am, and you honestly think that you could do anything but irritate me?"

The growl Finn let out, even as he felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment was vicious. "Don't talk down to me! I don't care who you are, Imma still whip your butt, death or not, I don't care!"

A small crick in the skeletons neck followed, before his jaw chattered away against itself. It took Finn a moment to notice, Death was laughing, and it terrified him. "Come on kid. Lemme show you what happens to Heroes who don't look before they charge thee Power Cosmic."

-/-

Well today was a wash, Finn grumbled in his head. All he had wanted to do was muck around on B-MO, make a sandwich and sharpen Dad's sword.

Instead he got dragged into the Dead World, mocked and laughed at by death and made to feel generally awful about himself, for what? A single dude in a prison cell. "Psssh, nuts to this, I didn't come here to stare at some dude in jail, I'm leaving."

"Oh but little Human hero." That was not Death. "We have so much to talk about, you and I."

It was said rather politely, no malice or anger, but that voice crawled up his spine like ice, before puncturing his brain like Marceline's teeth to a Tomato. "Oh yeah?" Don't let your voice shake bro, you're a Hero. "Like what?"

"Anything you like Kid, I know so much after all." The world screeched to a screaming halt as the room's temperature dropped, the metal of the bars chittered and stretched and the brown haired man finally looked Finn straight in the eye, left socket hauntingly empty, right eye staring out, sliltted and sickeningly yellow. "Soooo. Very. Much. Finn Martins."

Finn _Martins_? That drew Finn up short, that was a Surname. A surname he had never heard. "Oh, you've heard it." The yellow eyed dude's smile stretched even more. "You just don't remember it. But I'm good at that, remembering things for others. I can do that for you, all you have to do is break me out of here. Simple yeah?"

"How are you doing that?" Finn stammered, reaching for his sword and grasping nothing but air. Right Death hadn't let him grab it.

"How am I picking things out of your head, please. This is amateur hour kid. Get me a deer, and I'll have you crapping out pure disgust and fear." The man laughed, scratching at his empty socket. "But really kid, get me outta hear, I'll tell you all you wanna know, hell, I'll even teach you all the secrets of that Hero's Manual you've picked up."

Finn's eyes widened. "You know about the Enchiridion?"

"Know about it, Human, I was there when it was _written._ " The silence stretched, which suited Finn quite well. The longer this guy was silent, the less screaming his nerves would do.

"That's not nice Kid."

"What are you?" Finn asked softly, forcing his eyes to lock onto the unnerving yellow.

"Look at me, I'm human. Just. Like. You."

Finn swallowed. "No, that guy, he's human, but you... You don't fit. You aren't supposed to be there. What in Glob are you?"

That's when the laughter rang out, and time restarted.

-/-

Death knew it was risky, bringing the little human down here. It knew the moment they stepped through the door, the Vicious Little Eye would freeze him out of the conversation. He knew that without forewarning the boy, he may be tricked, fooled into helping the sick little Beast.

So when time restarted, with Bill still behind bars and Finn flinching at the resounding laughter, Death let itself relax.

The little human was not completely stupid.

"Oh boy, the things in this kid's head Crossbones, let me tell ya. The world's turned out way more interesting than I could have even begun to hope when the bombs started falling." Bill laughed out, leaning against the bars. "Man, if you didn't have me locked down quite tight, I'd splatter that fresh driven snow so, very, red.'  
"Last chance Kiddo, you break me outta here, I'll show you just who you can be."

Finn shook his head, stepping back from the bars. "No way, man. You're bad news, don't want anything to do with you."

"Shame. Real damn shame. We coulda had fun." The yellow eye swiveled to Death, the malice lessened and the smile widened. "Trying to teach him a lesson, hey? 'This is what happens when you mess with powers bigger and scarier than you?'" Dipper Pine's mouth dropped into a thin line, lone pupil dilating. "When you dive in head first, without considering the consequences, eventually you'll be worn like a cheap suit?" Finn flinched again, but his eyes were a lot harder, and his footing set sure.

"Tell me Bill, has he taken that lesson?"

"Ah, ah, ah. You know the rules Crossbones, something for something."

Turning from the Demon, It looked down at Finn. "Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

"Kinda..."

"Don't listen to him Crossbones, he doesn't get it at all!" Bill piped with a laugh.

"SHUT UP!" Finn roared, with surprising force for a 12 year old. "I might not understand it, at least not the details and junk, but I get the idea! You, or at least this guy I'm looking at, he was human. He underestimated you, or thought you were something you're not and got screwed. I get it..." He sounded a little lost there, unsure, as he swung his eyes up to Death. "Why are you so interested in me though...?"

Death looked down at the human. This, It supposed was one of those times It offered remorse. "Come, we'll talk about it back in your home."

"Yo, Crossbones!" Turning towards Bill, Death cocked his head. "You really shouldn't have cracked the door open." Reality tore behind him, a crack in the universe. "REALITY IS AN ILLUSION! THE WORLD IS A HOLOGRAM! BUY GOLD! BYE!"

Nails on chalkboard laughter echoed through Finn's bones, and Bill Cipher vanished.

-/-

The Tree-House was silent, except for the ticks of the clock on the wall.

Maybe if he was not so worn out, perhaps if Bill's voice wasn't still sawing through his brain, Finn would take a moment to appreciate the absurdity of Death sitting at his kitchen table.

As it was, he was just confused. "Why?" He whispered. "Why did you show me _him_?"

"I'm sorry." And Finn believed it. Believed Death was sorry. Or at least as sorry as a Cosmic Entity could be. "No one should have to be subjected to Bill, but it was necessary, essential even, that you learned the lesson."

"Why _me_?" In that moment Finn sounded lost, such a contradiction of who he usually was.

"Dipper Pines." The boy's face shifted into a look of confusion. "That was the name of the person Bill is now wearing." A soft 'Oh' of comprehension.

"He was your age when he first met Bill, when he first fought Bill. Time passed, and he was fighting a clock, losing time too fast, he was too impatient. Let Bill sweet talk him, convince him that a deal would be harmless.'

"Stupid decision, ripped the kid from his body, broke the deal." Death paused. That had happened so long ago, it was hard to remember exact details.

"Can't blame him. 12 years old. Just a kid. Tend to take things at face value no matter how smart." Death shot a very pointed look from beneath his wide brimmed hat. "No matter how strong."

"I get it, okay. You've made your point. I'm stupid and should be more careful and junk. Did you really need to show me Bill to do that though?" Well at least he wasn't whispering anymore. That had managed to further perturb Death. Finn the Human was a lot of things, but quiet was not one of them.

"Every so often, the Universe ties itself to extraordinary people. Heroes, Villains, their motives matter little to the Universe, just that they're destined to do great things.'  
"Long ago Dipper Pines was one of those people, a boy from a line of Paranormal Investigations, a boy who with little formal instruction, went on to become one of the greatest Magic Wielders of the ages, a hero sung of in Legend." Pointing a single bony finger across the table, It's skull chattered a small chuckle. "Dipper Pines was the boy to stop the Mushroom Wars before they began."

"Wait... But the Mushroom Wars happened, Princess Bubblegum tells me about it all the time. To learn from history, so we don't gunk up again." Finn's brow furrowed. "But, if the Mushroom Wars happened... If Dipper didn't stop them then... Bill?"

"Bill is of a breed that doesn't enjoy following the script the Universe has panned out." Death confirmed, resting skull against hand. "Sometimes, the Universe's important people encounter something that shreds their history, scattering it to the winds. When this happens, the point where the Universe spirals into these people… It becomes twisted. Knotted beyond all recognition and suddenly... History breaks."

Finn swallowed, as complete comprehension of the lesson finally settled in.

"You have a book in your possession, a book of knowledge ancient and irreplaceable." A small glint sparkled in the middle of the table as an obsidian gem came to a rest. "That stone will let you access even more information than is currently on offer. Learn from it, become strong Finn and never, ever, go into a situation without thinking it through." Standing from the chair, its scythe materialized in his hands, swinging through space to form a portal back to the 53rd Deadworld.

"I would hate to see the Universe in you, become so twisted."

And with a single step, Death was gone, leaving an emotionally exhausted Finn in Its wake.

 _-/-_

"Hey, Finn I'm home! And I bought treasure!" Jake called out as he dumped two chests into their Treasure Room, before making his way up to the kitchen. "You sure missed out Bro, I beat up a nest of hob-goblins, I think I'm their King now... Finn?" Jake caught site of Finn sitting at the table, Enchiridion spread out in front of him. "Hey Finn buddy, you okay?"

"Hmm?" Finn shook his head, shifting his attention. "Oh hey Jake, how were the Dungeons?"

"Dude, are you okay? You don't look so good."

"Yeah, I know." Finn returned listlessly, eyes shifting back to the book.

Jake narrowed his eyes. "What happened? I thought you were just gonna spend the day doing nothing." He growled. "That book put a spell of something on you?"

"No, no... Nothing like that." Finn dodged. "Just saw something I'd sooner forget."

"What did you see?" In an instant, he regretted asking. Finn's eyes spun to him, eyes that seemed to be so much older and weary than they had been that morning, a sad smile stretching his face.

"Nothing, Jake. It was nothing you need to worry about, I'll get over it." Jake's face twisted with skepticism, and Finn found he could not find it in him to blame the Dog.

Not when the lie was so obvious.

 _-/-_

 ** _Revised a bit of the Grammar and tightened up a few sentences. June 13 2016_**


End file.
